Author: Pastor Faith Oyedepo

Keys to Effective Communication in Marriage [Part 3]

Dear Reader,

I have taught on the foundation for effective communication and unveiled the keys of talking and listening, as major tools to effective communications. Today, we shall be looking at the Key Of Understanding.

Understanding is defined as the ability to tolerate one another or show sympathy towards others’ feelings and views. It is also the ability to see things from the other person’s perspective. Understanding enables you to read between the lines of communication. It reads eye movements and voice tones and helps soften the harshness of anger. Understanding also helps you to grasp the meaning of your spouses’ mind, attitude or explanation of something (Proverbs 13:15; 24: 3).

The importance of understanding in establishing a successful marriage is inevitable. When you possess a good understanding, you can correctly interpret what your spouse says, rather than read negative meanings to every statement and action.

Below is a testimony of a good understanding:
“I used to worship in a place where the pastors believe that misunderstanding brings about understanding. One day, the lady pastor asked me if I had ever had any serious quarrel with my wife (then my fiancés), and I said, ‘No.’ She said we had not started, that until we quarrelled and fought, we would not know if we loved each other.

We started having problems in our home after our marriage. But when I came here, I heard the Bishop say, ‘I have not had the first argument with my wife.’ I told my wife that if what the man of God was saying was the truth, then we’ve been in the wrong place, where we had been fed with the wrong food spiritually. So, we decided to start worshipping here.

We told ourselves, ‘What this man of God has seen that is making his marriage sweet, we also must discover it.’ Then I was in the Bible School (WOFBI) for the full-time programme. After each lecture, I would go back home and teach my wife the same thing. Today, to the Glory of God, we don’t have misunderstandings anymore!” – Ibiang, A. I.

Understanding is key to peaceful marriage (1 Peter 3:7). It is important for you to know that men are different from women in many ways, one of which is the way they communicate. It is the understanding of this that helps retain harmony in the home. God’s Word says: Good understanding produces favour… (Proverbs 13:15).

In communication, men and women speak different languages. For instance, men define success in terms of achievements, while for women, it is the level of intimacy they enjoy in their relationship that they interpret as success.

There are three most important things in marriage – sex, money and communication. Although the list is set out in a seeming ‘order of importance’, it has been established that communication holds 80% of a successful marriage.

You Need Wisdom for Effective Communication! To be able to communicate effectively with your spouse and other members of your household, wisdom is needed. In communication, there is ‘when and what to say’. There is a ‘due season’ for every word! However, it takes wisdom to be able to identify the due season (Proverbs 24:3, Matthew 12:34).

When you correctly apply wisdom to any area of your life, you will end up a commander. Take for instance, a woman whose husband is just returning from work, tired and hungry. As soon as she welcomes him, she announces to him not to expect any food, because there is nothing in the house. You wonder why he gets very angry? Remember, ‘a hungry man is an angry man’! It is foolishness to say things just at any time. It may be true that there is no food in the house, but it was said at the wrong time and in the wrong place.

God’s Word says: A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards (Proverbs 29:11). A wise man or woman will always say what is in his or her heart, but knows when and where to say it. When there is a matter you want to resolve, locate the right place and time to say it, not when your spouse is hungry or tired, or probably in the presence of his or her colleagues (Proverbs 16:20). May the Lord grant you understanding!

Clearly, new birth is the foundation for effective communication. This implies that you surrender your life to Jesus, to take perfect control of your life and family. You can do this by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus into your life. If you are ready for this experience, say this prayer with faith in your heart:

Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins.  Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. Deliver me from sin and Satan, to serve the Living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour.  Now I know I am born again!

Congratulations! Till I come your way again next week, call or write, and share your testimonies with me through:, OR 07026385437, 08141320204
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores:

  • Single With A Difference
  • Marriage Covenant
  • Making Marriage Work
  • Building a Successful Family
  • The Effective Minister’s Wife and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

Click Here To Read Other Messages Written By Pastor Faith Oyedepo 

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