Attaining Intimacy in Marriage By Pastor Faith Oyedepo
Topic: Attaining Intimacy in Marriage (Part 2)
You are blessed in Jesus’ name! Last week, I shared with you about the need for intimacy in marital relationships. This week, I want to show you some of the characteristics of intimacy. Intimacy is an important part of a vibrant, loving marriage. Couples can work together to increase their intimacy in each area, as they build their marriage through the years. Relationships with healthy intimacy have several factors in common; including the following:
This establishes a sense of security for both spouses. You can show it by having no desire to injure your spouse in any way. Though you might unintentionally cause hurt, you won’t hurt one another on purpose. In practical sense, trust means that you place confidence in someone not abandon you but be honest with and faithful to you. Trust is not a gift. It is a virtue built through experience and over a period of time. Trust is reciprocal. The more you express your trust in your spouse, the more he/she responds to you. By this, you are creating an avenue for intimacy to grow.
This includes gentle expressions of caring. Through touch, you can express your love to your partner. This affectionate contact “is absolutely essential in building the emotion of love”
No one is perfect. Thus, it is an unconditional approval in a relationship. Acceptance means not capitalising on your spouse’s weaknesses. If you are used to frequently pointing out your spouse’s faults, work on focusing instead on the qualities you fell in love with.
This is the ability to discuss anything with your spouse. It includes sincere expression of thoughts and feelings, as well as careful listening. Signs of poor communication include feeling reluctant to tell your spouse about the events of your day or being unwilling to listen when your spouse is explaining how he or she feels.
This is a genuine concern for your spouse’s well-being. If you do things you know that hurt your spouse, you cannot have healthy intimacy. You can develop a more caring heart and mind by learning to think of your spouse’s feelings before your own. Always ask yourself before acting or speaking, “If I do this or say this, will I hurt my spouse?”
These are the remedies for mistakes that spouses inevitably make. Recognizing mistakes, taking responsibility for them, expressing remorse for any hurt caused, and making a commitment to change the hurtful behaviour are all essential to mending the relationship after a mistake. For spouses, who have created a chasm of hurts that separate them, offering a sincere and humble apology is the first step in building a bridge over that chasm. Even if you believe that your partner made the mistake, you can begin the healing by finding something you did that calls for an apology.
This is the process of letting go of anger, desire for revenge, and obsessive thinking about times your spouse has hurt you. It includes giving your spouse permission to have weaknesses, make mistakes, and change. Seeing the goodness and strengths of your spouse along with the weaknesses can open up emotional space for good will to build toward your spouse. Forgiveness does not automatically create trust or reconciliation; it does not mean your approval of bad behaviour. But it is an important early step towards rebuilding a fractured relationship.
The grace to give it all it takes to build up intimacy in your marriage can only be given to you by God. If you are not born again you don’t have what it takes to have this grace. If you are already born again, rejoice because your case is settled. If you are not yet born again and you desire to do so right now, please pray this prayer with faith in your heart: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.
Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through firstname.lastname@example.org, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building a Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).
Pastor Faith Oyedepo is the wife of Bishop David Oyedepo, the founder of the Living Faith Church Worldwide a.k.a. Winners’ Chapel, and Senior Pastor of Faith Tabernacle, Canaanland, Ota, Nigeria.