Knowing Who To Marry by Pastor Sam Adeyemi
Topic: Knowing Who To Marry
The challenge I see a whole lot of times with young people is that they are looking for the ideal man and the ideal woman.
You know what? Your ideal husband is already married, your ideal wife is already married. That’s why some people fall in love with married people. They say “Oh! he’s such a nice man, he’s such an ideal man. He has a good job, he has money he has this, he’s so kind…” Wonderful!
You know, a lot of times this man or lady who looks perfect was not always like that when he/she got married.
If in your vision your husband is a CEO can you recognize him when he’s not yet a CEO? That’s what I’m talking about. You know when Pastor Nike and I got married we were not the way we are now. Hallelujah! It has taken investment. You know this is why I have issues with guys who are almost turning bachelorhood into an institution. What is the big deal? There are lots of people around town who are not getting married because they want to be able to get a mansion, have some money and have some cars. “Ah! How can you marry a girl when you are not yet financially settled”. They already have a job but they are waiting to have an ideal financial situation and I’m telling you if you are in that situation, you’ve been deceived. What a lady needs is not a perfect man in the present. This is about 10 to 40 years time. What she needs is a man who has a vision, who can define exactly where he is going and who he is going to be. That is what defines the kind of wife you should marry.
When Pastor Nike and I got engaged, while we were courting to be married, that was when we discussed our salaries. Then I discovered that her allowance as a Youth Corp member was more than my salary as a Pastor. The day I told her my salary, I quickly told her “you know what? It’s not going to be like this forever. I’m going somewhere. Even though we will help each other at the beginning but there’s coming a time when I will tell you to keep your salary and I will bear the responsibility for this family fully”.
I described the future for her. That’s the essence of Leadership. You have the vision and you have the capacity to communicate it. You should be able to sell your vision to a lady.
Listen lady, if in all of your assessment of a man what you are looking for is who the person is today, you will soon be deceived because the fact that he has a car now is no guarantee that he will have a car in 5 years time.
Listen, making a choice for marriage is lately a matter of intuition. Some people, all they think about is the wedding day. They invest all their thoughts, all their energy, all their preparation in that one day. “Ah, my wedding, hhmmm, the gown will come from Singapore”. Okay so on the wedding day, the pastor says “say after me” and then you say “I do”, after that what next? That’s when some people remember that they’re supposed to do honeymoon. So they do honeymoon for 2,3 or 4 weeks and after that what next? Nothing, no idea because all they were thinking about was the wedding.
Somebody gave us a book when we were preparing to get married titled ‘After The Wedding Comes A Marriage’ that we should prepare more for the marriage than the wedding. So that’s the point. Who is this person going to be?
I will tell you this, the reason why you’re becoming mature is critical because your spirituality is the key thing. Your ability to hear from God is your greatest asset in finding someone to marry. Nobody can accurately predict your future or guarantee what it will turn out to be 20, 30 years from now except God. You need to grow spiritually and develop the ability to hear from God. Take time to pray, catch a vision of your future and then you can marry someone who aligns with that future.
Now, once your vision of the future is defined, your values will be defined. Your values are the things that are very important to you. If you value spirituality, the fear of God, you’ve got to marry someone who also values spirituality or else you are going to crack that marriage up right from the foundation.
If you value honesty, the person has to also value honesty. Your basic values need to align. You may have a few differences but your basic, foundational, core values need to align. That’s why you need to grow and mature because when you are not yet mature, your values are not yet defined. Once your future is defined, who to marry will be defined. It’s not everyone that is husband material for you. Not every woman is wife material for you. If as a woman you’re Queen material, your husband has got to be a King material so it will be easy for you to make decisions. There are loafers who can’t hang around you because your future is defined, you’ve discovered your purpose.
Pastor Samuel Adeyemi is the Senior Pastor of Daystar Christian Centre, a fast growing, life changing church committed to “raising role models” based in Lagos. He is also the President of Success Power International.
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